she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
