can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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