The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
