You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
