Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
