I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize