i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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