When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
