I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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