running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
