On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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