She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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