I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
