she woke up with a sticky ear
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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