Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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