I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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