Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
