he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
