she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
barbara walters just said penis...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize