My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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