Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
