I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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