so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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