I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
