Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
