make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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