so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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