Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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