I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
