went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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