We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
