dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize