everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
