At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
