My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
