she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
