I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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