im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
