Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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