u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
