He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
