Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
