Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize