Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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