I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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