You just made me feel so damn special
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
