Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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