And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
