I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
