Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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