his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
