Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
