I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
