..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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