my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
