I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
