I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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