I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
