Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
