he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
