Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you win again, gameday.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
