my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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