Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
