please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize