Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
