it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
