that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize