The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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