Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
