considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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