I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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