oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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