my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
