It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
