I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
