Pappa wants mamma naked
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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