And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
