Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize