i was born a porn star she said
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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