Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
