boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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