her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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